So, this is it. This is apparently how this thing works. At least, for me, it is. I get an idea, one that just won't shake loose. I can't get it out of my head. It follows me around for a long time. I mean, a really, really, REALLY long time. Sometimes it grows, and takes on a life of its own. And then, at other times, it just sits there. Taunting me. Poking at me, occasionally, and laughs. Its times like those that I'm filled with doubt. And then, as if it were never there, the thing just disappears. Until, it doesn't.
After a while, this thing, this idea, this thought deep within my soul, resurfaces. Often in the most odd way. Or, under the most ordinary circumstances. But no matter HOW it returns, its always the same thing. The idea is still the same.
This thing, this idea, is so real I can taste it. Its currently taking on new momentum. Its picking up speed. It occupies more and more of my thoughts. Its growing within me a new dream. But still the same dream as before. Its funny how something deep in my soul speaks to me. Awakens excitement. Quickens my heartbeat. Causes the corners of my mouth to turn up, just a bit.
So, here I sit, in my kitchen on a dreary, gray, October day. I sit to think, again, of how this idea, this dream, this thing could work. Its going to require some real intention. [Its going to require real money, too!] But, this idea, this thing, isn't just my idea. I really, truly believe it is other-worldly. Why else would the idea maintain momentum over so many years? Why else would I see it, I mean really see it, in vivid color, in my mind for so many years?
HOW DID IT BEGIN?
The first time I stepped foot on the soil of Surco, Peru was July 2009. Instantly, I fell in love with the people and their beautiful landscape. Returning in March of 2011, I was reminded of the idea that God had planted in my mind two years, prior. And the thing took root. And grew. As soon as I began to ponder the thing He had placed in my mind, and on my heart, the enemy filled me with self-doubt. And because of doubt, I kept the thing to myself, and feared sharing it with anyone, lest they think I had lost my mind. I mean, really, what was I thinking? How would a simple girl from Tennessee create this thing she had imagined? Why would this work? Where would the funds come from? Who would dare to dream with me?
So, I did what any other, ordinary girl from Tennessee would do. I pushed my dream, my idea, these thoughts, deep down and tried to ignore them.
But, God...
God granted me the blessing of imagination. Of dreaming big dreams. Of hope. Of desire for others to know Him. Of making Him known. Of pursuing an idea, even when it doesn't make any sense. Of knowing that its all His timing. Of waiting. Of knowing that if it really is of Him, then it cannot fail. So, I wait. And I continue to dream. And I allow myself to listen for His still, small voice, deep within my soul. And as He awakens my heart to the thing over and over again, I let the feelings and energy grow. I follow my heart. No matter where it leads. And no matter how long it takes.
"Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act...Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him." ~Psalm 37:4-5,7a
Are you wondering WHAT my dream is? What is this thing that has tugged on my heart for over 10 years? Well, at risk of being called a tease, you're just going to have to wait for my next blog post to find out.
Keep jammin'!
~ellen
After a while, this thing, this idea, this thought deep within my soul, resurfaces. Often in the most odd way. Or, under the most ordinary circumstances. But no matter HOW it returns, its always the same thing. The idea is still the same.
This thing, this idea, is so real I can taste it. Its currently taking on new momentum. Its picking up speed. It occupies more and more of my thoughts. Its growing within me a new dream. But still the same dream as before. Its funny how something deep in my soul speaks to me. Awakens excitement. Quickens my heartbeat. Causes the corners of my mouth to turn up, just a bit.
So, here I sit, in my kitchen on a dreary, gray, October day. I sit to think, again, of how this idea, this dream, this thing could work. Its going to require some real intention. [Its going to require real money, too!] But, this idea, this thing, isn't just my idea. I really, truly believe it is other-worldly. Why else would the idea maintain momentum over so many years? Why else would I see it, I mean really see it, in vivid color, in my mind for so many years?
HOW DID IT BEGIN?
The first time I stepped foot on the soil of Surco, Peru was July 2009. Instantly, I fell in love with the people and their beautiful landscape. Returning in March of 2011, I was reminded of the idea that God had planted in my mind two years, prior. And the thing took root. And grew. As soon as I began to ponder the thing He had placed in my mind, and on my heart, the enemy filled me with self-doubt. And because of doubt, I kept the thing to myself, and feared sharing it with anyone, lest they think I had lost my mind. I mean, really, what was I thinking? How would a simple girl from Tennessee create this thing she had imagined? Why would this work? Where would the funds come from? Who would dare to dream with me?
So, I did what any other, ordinary girl from Tennessee would do. I pushed my dream, my idea, these thoughts, deep down and tried to ignore them.
But, God...
God granted me the blessing of imagination. Of dreaming big dreams. Of hope. Of desire for others to know Him. Of making Him known. Of pursuing an idea, even when it doesn't make any sense. Of knowing that its all His timing. Of waiting. Of knowing that if it really is of Him, then it cannot fail. So, I wait. And I continue to dream. And I allow myself to listen for His still, small voice, deep within my soul. And as He awakens my heart to the thing over and over again, I let the feelings and energy grow. I follow my heart. No matter where it leads. And no matter how long it takes.
"Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act...Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him." ~Psalm 37:4-5,7a
Are you wondering WHAT my dream is? What is this thing that has tugged on my heart for over 10 years? Well, at risk of being called a tease, you're just going to have to wait for my next blog post to find out.
Keep jammin'!
~ellen
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